I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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