I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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