My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
