shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
