haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
