you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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