these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
