Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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