just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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