I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
