i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
