Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
