hell yes lets make some ravioli
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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