mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
