remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
