i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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