I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
