You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just puked most of my soul out..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
