He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
