in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
