Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
