I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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