Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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