He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
