she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
