oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
