Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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