I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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