I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
