ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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