Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
