just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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