Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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