Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
