mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
