It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
