so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
