Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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