How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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