just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
