Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
