Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
