its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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