How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
