I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
