he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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