areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
