when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
