explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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