I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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