My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
