I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
