i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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