i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
