that's an acceptable place to lick
Just took my morning after pill in the library
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
